One thing I'm not sure we write about often, if at all, is impulse. The impulse to hurt people, or ourselves.
Now, not sure if "impulse" is the right word to describe this or not, but hallucination feels...somehow wrong. Visions seem wrong.
Though probably any of these could be appropriate, and perhaps we are just denying them because of the connotations they bring to mind.
The other night we were laying in bed with James and he was asleep, we had just closed the device we use to play a game most of us enjoy playing (Jewels Star) and lay in bed unable to sleep...and a strange...impulse...okay, fine...vision (it just seems crazy that way :-/)...appeared in our head.
It was unpleasant, and made us ill, and we knew it was our worst (Brooke) fucking with us, like she does other times. Our arms became heavy with rejection of what we were seeing.
She wanted us to go to the kitchen and get the 10" chef's knife that we use for cooking...and she showed us what she wanted us to do with it. It wasn't so much violent, as gentle thrusting...that didn't make it any more comfortable to watch, and feel, and...experience. It wasn't shown in a blood-lust or glorifying way. It just was.
We won't say more.
She only did it to make us scared. We know Brooke doesn't like James, but she doesn't like us either. She used to want us to jump in front of buses back before we moved back to the United States and walked to work everyday.
Now, these days, she wants us to drive our vehicle into the side of semi-trucks on the interstate, and to stick our hands in moving blades, and other things that make it a struggle, sometimes, to prevent. It's not self-harm. we don't see it that way. But it's...disturbing. It's not everyday, thankfully. It's not even every week, but she always makes sure we don't forget she's around.
We know how to be smart about it. We tell James when these things happen, maybe not right away, but in a timely fashion that works with our schedules.
He does not fear us, or her, and is likely happy that we disclose these things rather than harbor them and let them destroy us mentally. It can't be easy to hear the wom[e]n you love tell you that "she" had visions, had impulses, to stab you in your sleep last night.
We've never understood her anger towards us, or other people, or why she would want us to hurt so much. Sometimes it's hard to try to understand each other, and when we try it just makes us want to curl on the floor and cry...and there's only so much of that we want to do in our life. But the thing we can do it recognize it, deal with it, and move past it and remember we are all responsible for each other and that was the deal.
We're really not as crazy as this particular blog entry may make us seem. At least we don't think so.
You can ask anyone who has met us.
We're not everybody's cup of tea, but thankfully some people like it strong.
I had been staying at my friend's house for a few day, and this is his cute dog, he is eating something(I don't know what exactly it was), I'm not familiar with judging the breed of dogs, but anyway isn't he so cute? I want to have my own one in the future.
The NBA Finals have started, San Antonio Spurs against Miami Heat. It's been exciting and drastic these days. Report interview, Press Conference have made this series full of serious and nervous, but personally, I support Spurs to get the finals trophy because I don't like Lebron James's betray that year, besides I don't enjoy how physical he plays. But anyway, this is surely going to be great series for all basketball fans, enjoy it!
This book Snitch, has been read entirely by me, this is offcially my first finished reading book, in fact, this is what this CW course has brought to me, I'm so excited!
Well, time goes so fast! Still remember the start of this semester when I held my schedule wondering what exactly Creative Writing is. In the past four months, I’ve been inspired to creative my own personal additions and reading reflections and so on. I finally get familiar with the concept of creative, which in my opinion is to discover and explore, then sort through it as an organised thought. Anyway, this course is coming to the end and I appreciate all the knowledge, all the strategies I was taught. I wish time could stay at this moment forever.
The new project which is the The Buried Life asks us to make a list of “100 things I want to do before I die”. Everyone has dreams but under this reality, most of them are barely can come true and this project is basically designed for people, ask them to list their dreams and put their effort into completing it. I have to say this is really an awesome project because it remains me how fast the life goes and we must make it count. Speaking of the contents in this list, actually, I don’t think they are really can be done such as “go to The North Pole”, but this list can still inspire me to keep chasing higher goals, so no matter if I can complete this list, at least I have something to strive for tomorrow, that makes my life meaningful and that’s enough. Besides, I decided to use my blog as a platform of my list since I’m not familiar with how to edit a video. Again, we’re fighting for our future and our dreams.
This photo was taken when I climbed The Great Wall, I think it's the most appropriate word the describe it because you are not actually walking or running on it, the feelings you have when you visit it is tired, I spent half day trying to get the end of The Great Wall but unfortunately I failed. I'd like to give it another shot if I had a chance in the future
